MUSIC OF THE MARTIAN BAGPIPE

The chances of anyone coming from Mars are a million to one, or so sung Justin Hayward on Jeff Wayne's musical version of The War of the Worlds. But what of the chances of Martians playing the bagpipes? Two million? More? Not so, for as this welcome release reveals, the bagpipe is indeed the instrument of choice for the Martian musical virtuoso.

Knowledge of the existence of Martian bagpipes has apparently been with us since Biblical times, though rumours of extant sets in the hands of US Intelligence remain flatly denied by the authorities. Occasionally UFO enthusiasts claim actually to have heard the unearthly warble of the Martian bagpipes, and, indeed a rare if shaky recording of just such as occurrence is included here. But it is in Russia apparently, that the Martian bagpipes have exerted their most profound influence, the Soviets launching several missions to Mars during the seventies to make field recordings. President Brezhnev, even, played these poorly known pipes, while russian composer, Edvard Shlinke, went so far as to write a symphony in J for for Vincent Manlove, darling of the nascent Moscow Martian-bagpiping scene.

Hold on there just a minute! J ? Surely someone is having a joke here? Well yes they are. The Martian bagpipes are, in this reality at least, the brainchild of otherwise earthbound bagpipe maker, Dominic Allan. The bastard lovechild of an octopus and a kazoo, Allan’s ‘Martian’ pipes are made from lurid red plastic, come adorned with a sinister red eye, and have a bag wrapped in fake fur. I am told that the double-reeded drone and the single-reeded chanter connect via the same chamber, enabling the, ahem, ‘musician’ to explore a range of subtly tuned multiphonic possibilities. In other words the Martian bagpipes make an unearthly racket.

Music of the Martian Bagpipes, then, presents us with a variety of pieces played on this most extraordinary of instruments, accompanied, in the main, by samples, beats and detuned and heavily portamentoed synth parts. As all the contributors to the album appear under pseudonyms, I am unsure as to who else, exactly, was involved, though Roly Scales is rumoured to have played a part. It is all done with an understated humour which, in small doses (I’ve yet to manages the whole album in one sitting), is very, very funny and had me laughing out loud. ‘Three easy Pieces’ are anything but, whilst the Martian Lullaby (‘we shall stomp on the skulls of our enemy's then slide about on their brains’) gives the impression of what it must be like to be trepanned without anaesthetic.

How on earth should we categorise this album? It would be too easy, I think, to dismiss this as a one joke curiosity. For one thing there is a fine tradition of writing music inspired by the Red Planet (from Holst to Jeff Wayne, via the theramin of 50s sci-fi) into which this album fairly belongs. For another there are ranks of musicians, from free-jazzers like Paul Dunmall and Valentin Clastrier, to sound artists like Aphex Twin and Squarepusher, whose sonic noise confusion challenges us to reconsider the boundaries of music. But where the album truly belongs is surely alongside those by artists and bands such as Gong, Ivor Cutler, Vivian Stanshall and The Bonzo Dog Doo Dah Band - surreal, irreverent and dadaesque.

Whatever else this this album may not be, it is outrageous, inflammatory, provocative and at times strangely compelling. I can guarantee that it presents bagpipe music like no other you will ever have heard, so buy it now before it becomes a collectors item.